I always knew this day would come. I couldn't possibly expect him to be a baby forever. I wanted to keep him nestled right next to me til the end of time, but alas it is time to let go. Jeremiah started kindergarten last Monday. Even though Jeremiah went to pre-school for two years, this still feels different. Kindergarten marks a moment in a childs' life that signifies they are truly a big kid.
I am partly excited for him and in a way I am ready to embrace this change. While I have enjoyed spending much of my days with him, it is nice to send him off to school on the school bus and have my days free. Although, I admitt I am bored out of my mind most of the day. I lay around in my pajamas watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU, surfing the web, and thinking about what me and Jeremiah can do once he makes it home.
But I am also nervous for him. Something about starting school gets those butterflies in my tummy all stirred up and makes my palms sweat. I wonder how he will adapt to his new school and his new teacher, and new classmates. Will he like it there? Will he make friends or become the next, new victim of the school bully? What is he doing all day? Is he learning? Are the teachers nice to him?
This is only the second week of school and he hasn't gotten any homework just yet. I have received a paper of lowercase and uppercase A's that he had cut out and glued onto a sheet of paper and a paper where he traced his name. Both of which I am proud of, have showed to anyone who will take a peek, and are now displayed on the fridge.
On Monday I got a call from the school nurse informing me that during recess Jeremiah bumped his face on the playground equipment and will be coming home with a bruise...sure enough today my baby has a shiner on his left eye/cheeck. Every time I look at it I think "my poor baby" and I give him kisses to soothe the pain away. Dan tells me he is boy and will have more shiners in his days. He says it will toughen him up, but to me Jeremiah is my baby...I don't want him to toughen up just yet.
Today I received a letter in Jeremiah's school folder that Jeremiah had alot of tears today. He didn't want to do his work, he didn't want to share, and he refused to eat his lunch. That broke my heart to hear that he is having such a difficult time. I wrote back that sharing is a battle we are working through at home as well (he's an only child and doesn't have many friends his age), I wrote that tomorrow we will see how Jeremiah does with a hot lunch at school instead of me packing his lunch for him, and if there was anything I could do at home to help him to please let me know. How else am I to respond?
Jeremiah is in a special, autism classroom. I thought that would make things easier on him, but so far he is not taking this well. He keeps asking me about his pre-school teacher from last year and every time I explain to him again that he is in a new grade this year and therefore he has a new school and a new teacher. I am not too worried though. Last year he was upset about having a new teacher, but within a couple months he loved her. I believe that with time and patience Jeremiah will grow to enjoy his new school, learn to love his new teacher, and make good friends with his classmates.
At least that is the hope I am floating on. I knew that letting go would be hard for me, but I never imagined that it would be just as hard, if not harder, on him too. This sucks. Why doesn't anyone warn you that letting go is another challenge all its own? Not just for parent, but for child.
I pray things slowly but surely get better. If you are reading this I ask that you pray for Jeremiah too. Pray that he learns to love his new school and teachers, may he not get beaten up by any bullies, and may he excel within due time.
Kindergarten is hard work.