Trick or Treat

Well tonight is the night for spooktacular fun! It is officially Halloween. The air is crisp with the chill of fall, the jack-o-lanterns are lite, and children are dressed to the nines in costumes galore. We were smack dab in the middle of it all.

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It is the best time of the year filled with costumes,  haunted houses, scary movies,  candy....everything fall, everything Halloweeny. All day I waited for Jeremiah to arrive home from school. My excitement was bubbling over.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! I'm so excited and I just can't fight it!

Jeremiah couldn't get home soon enough and once he finally did my mother showed up to take us back to her and my dad's house so we could get ready. Jeremiah did so well while my dad painted his face and we cautiously and carefully put his costume on, as not to smear the make-up.

We left the house at 6:15, jumped in the van, and began our night of trick or treating. It was wonderful and just as magical as it was when I was a child. I wish I had the chance to take pictures of some of the houses, the ones that were decked out in everything scary...spider webs,  tombstones, ghosts. But then I thought someone might think I was a little weird, taking pictures of their home, and so I tucked my camera away.

Jeremiah was well behaved. Smiling, remebering his line trick or treat, saying please and thank you and of course wishing each and everyone we came across a very happy halloween. After only an hour and a half (about 5-6 blocks) of trick or treating Jeremiah's pumpkin was filled to the rim with candy. I decided it was more than enough candy for a five year old. And finally we called it a night.

We stopped for McDonald's on the way home and surprisingly Jeremiah only ate a few pieces of candy. I gave him a good bath, scrubbing his face to get all the paint off, and put him down to sleep. He must have been completely wiped out because he dozed off into slumberland within just a few minutes.

I called my brother, Jonathan, to wish him a happy birthday too. Today he turned fourteen years old.

It was a spooky and awesomely fun night. Once again Halloween came through and did not fail me or let me down. It filled my night with happiness, it put a smile on my face, and it thrilled Jeremiah more than words could ever possibly say. I hope everyone had as wonderful a Halloween as we did.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

  Jeremiah pulled off being Dracula for one night very well. Doesn't he make a great Vampire?

Hello there

It is time to write again. I realized, to my regret, that I hadn't posted anything in at least a good week. There is no good reason for this, unless that is I can use laziness as an excuse. I have been lazy with my writing and it is time to get back on track.

I guess I should start with last weekend. Last weekend Jeremiah and I spent all day Saturday with my mom, Stephanie. My dad was out of town and we thought it would be fun to spend the day just us girls, well almost...us girls and a cute, 5 year old boy in tow. We rented movies, we stopped at McDonald's for a bite to eat, we got Jeremiah's hair cut, and we baked cookies. It was a good day. My mom works almost everyday of the week and more often than not we see very little of her. So it was nice to spend some much needed quality time.

Jeremiah of course took his school pictures. I cannot wait to get them back. His first year of preschool he did not smile at all, his second year of preschool he did a half smile, and now that he is in kindergarten I am hoping this time I get a complete and full smile. I know he knows how. He enjoys taking pictures, smiling brightly, and people comment all the time on how photogenic he is. I will have to wait for another 4-6 weeks before I see the pictures, until then I have my fingers crossed.

This week my bestfriend Danie and my goddaughter Leaira came over to visit. We cooked a huge Sunday dinner. Fried chicken, collard greens, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes with gravy, cheesy garlic biscuits, and broccoli with cheese. It was marvelous and mouth watering. Not just thefood, but the flow of conversation, the laughter, the warmth of friendship that filled my kitchen effortlessly.

Dan and I also picked out Jeremiah's Christmas gifts. We put it on layaway at WalMart and next Wensday when Dan gets paid we are paying off our layaway bill and taking the gifts home with us. Dan is thrilled, rubbing his hands together, and exclaiming “Those toys are mine!” Do you want to know what we got him? I am sure you do...the suspense is killing you isn't it? I would tell you, but my hubby said I should make you wait. I think you will have to wait until Christmas to see. Put it this wau though, Jeremiah is going to love all his presents!

And last, but most certainly not least...the countdown has officially began. There is only 5 days until Halloween! In five days my brother Jonathan turns 14, Jeremiah turns intoa vampire, and the spirits of the dead walk the earth...just joking about that last one. Halloween night is always fun for me. I have wonderfully spooktacular memories of Halloween as a child. My dad and I would carve pumpkins and I would dress up to go trick or treating. Sometimes we would frequent the local haunted houses. Jeremiah isn't quite old enough to brave the horrors of a haunted house, but he is a trick or treating pro. He is all pumped up and ready to go. All he talks about is dressing up in his costume and I keep reminding him to be patient, because we still have 5 more days to go.

But I understand his excitement. I am 23 and still excited for my favorite holiday of the year. I am ready to take pictures of Jeremiah as a vampire, I am ready to steal candy from his pumpkin basket while he sleeps a few feet away, and I am ready to watch scary movies Halloween night with my man. I am already getting in the spirit watching AMC's Fear Fest.

So, what is your child dressing up as? What are your favorite Halloween memories? How are you getting in the spirit of Halloween? Oh and of course what is your favorite scary movie?

* Mine of course is John Carpenter's Halloween...you know Michael Meyers, the one who wears a white mask, carries a butcher knife, and stalks babysitters....

TLC

I am a stay at home mom/student. Someday when I am finished with school I will join the ranks of working mothers, but until then my job duties consist of cooking breakfast and dinner, keeping our apartment clean and organized, going to school and being a top notch student, and taking care of the basic wants and needs of a five year old boy.

Often when my son is in school I find myself with time on my hands. When I have time on my hands I like to do things that make me feel all good inside. I read, I will write, I hang out with friends, I sleep in, and more often than not I will watch TV. I often find myself tuning in to TLC. TLC has some good shows. Currently I am enthralled in I didn't know I was pregnant, Sister Wives, and Extreme Couponing.

Now while I really enjoy these shows, I also have several opinions. While I sat or sometimes lay on the couch glued to the screen thoughts are racing through my head. So, what better way to share my thoughts than right here on my blog. If you watch these shows too feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

I didn't know I was pregnant is the kind of show you cannot help but to watch. It sucks you in with its dramatic depictions and it baffles even the brightest crayon in the box. How could someone not know they were pregnant? I guess if you are getting what you think is a period, you don't feel any movement, and you aren't gaining much weight it could be easy to not realize it. But sometimes these women are having signs and they just take a pregnancy test and when it comes out negative they just overlook everything. Home pregnancy tests can be wrong, so if you are having signs go to the doctor and take a blood test. Otherwise this show is overall a good one.

Sister Wives has really opened my eyes. This show kind of throws me off and makes me question everything I believe in. And I always feel slightly in the dark....it leaves me asking so many questions that my head is spinning afterward. I have always been the type who believes in monogamy. But when I watch Sister Wives I see this huge family, they are loving and happy, and it makes me think. Who am I to say that what they are doing is wrong? Who said it is supposed to be just one husband and one wife? Why is it that we are expected to find everything we want in a partner in one person? That's a whole lot of pressure, don't you think? But then I also see the downside. He doesn't see all his children on a daily basis, since he has to share his time with four different wives, and how does that effect the kids? Knowing their father is going off to spend time with another wife and another set of kids. Did he or any of his wives grow up in a polygamist family? How would they feel if their children chose to be monogamists? Do they judge monogamists or view them negatively? When his first wife married him, did she know they were going to be polygamists? Do the wives ever get jealous? See what I mean about all the questions....my head is spinning now. Watch this show if you are looking to learn about different kinds of lives and values. But you must do so with an open mind, otherwise you will never be able to fully appreciate this show.

Extreme Couponing is an awesome show, but it's too brief and pisses me off quite often. I am all for saving a buck. There is nothing wrong with coupons, there is nothing wrong with stocking up a little bit, and if you can get something for free then go for it. But these people are just putting a new spin on hoarding. I am sorry but they seriously are. Instead of being messy, dirty, and utterly useless hoarders, they are clean, organized, and useful hoarders. Nobody needs a stock pile of 500 body washes, 200 toothbrushes, 150 packages of diapers, etc. It isn't even possible to use all that within your lifetime. About half of these people do not donate and in case they don't realize it, things eventually do expire. And they buy junk when it comes to food. They are buying soda, candy bars, chips, and pasta. Give me a break. And for those whom are shelf clearers I just want to scream. That is unbelievably rude, selfish, and arrogant. It is not even possible to be an extreme couponer unless you want to dedicate 30 hours or more a week to it, that is like having a full time job. Who has the time for this? Plus, the show only shows us one of their bigger shopping trips and like a few seconds of how they pull it off. The show does not dedicate enough time to showing real people, normal, everyday people how to do something like this or how to even do something remotely similar to it. This show is fun, but it is also going to possibly grate on your nerves. Beware is all I am saying.

And there you have it. A review of my three favorite shows on TLC. I love them, but at times they get on my nerves. You can't live with them and you can't live without them. Thanks TLC for giving me something to write about and filling my days with good TV.

Restless

Tonight I opened the windows and let the cool breeze float in and work its magic. As the day melts away and night begins to settle in you can really feel the chill. The good kind. The kind that only comes with the promise of fall. Fall is creeping in, making its precense known with the nightfall chill, the colorful leaves splayed along the sidewalks, and Halloween is right around the corner.

I love Halloween. It is my favorite holiday. Yes, I like it even more than Christmas. Halloween is the one time of year you can dress up and be anyone or anything you want to be. Children receive candy free of charge, houses are decorated with Jack-O-Lanterns, scarecrows, and spider webs. We visit haunted houses for nothing more than the thrill of being scared shitless and scary movies like that of John Carpenter's Halloween become a familiar scene.

This year Jeremiah is finally dressing up as something actually frightening. When he was one he was tigger, at two he was Darth Vader, at the age of three he was Spiderman, and last year he was a pirate. But this year I decided it was time for something more classic and something scary. This year he is going to be a vampire! He is so excited. Jeremiah shares my love of Halloween and since the moment I tried on his costume to make sure everything fit properly, he has been ready. As you can imagine we are both anticipating Halloween night.

Lately I have been feeling restless. I don't know why though.

I have been kind of snappy with Dan as well. It seems everything he does, everything he says comes out wrong. He has just been getting under my skin and there is no way to explain it.

My period hasn't come yet. I have always been irregular, birth control and even pregnancy did not help me with my irregularity issues. I can go a couple months without getting one and then suddenly it comes without warning. It is quite annoying.

When I do get it, it is fairly easy. It lasts for 3-4 days, I have very little to no cramping, and it is a normal amount. In August I got period around the usual time it would come, but something seemed off. It lasted 3 days, no cramping, but it just wasn't normal. The first day it was extremely light, the second and third day it was light and spotty. Last month it never came and now this month it didn't come on the 11^th as it should have. I honestly do not know what is going on.

I took a pregnancy test a couple weeks ago just to be safe, but it came back negative. Which was a little disappointing. What with my baby fever I was almost hoping it would be positive. If I became pregnant on accident than Dan would have no choice but to be ready for a new baby, since neither of us believe in abortion. But it was negative.

So, I do not know why I am irregular. I am not pregnant (as far as I know), I am not eating anything different, I haven't changed anything in my routine, and I do not feel stressed. But I have been snappy with Dan, which only seems to happen when I am pregnant or when my period is about to come. So perhaps it is coming. We shall see. I will update.

Jeremiah takes his school pictures on the 19^th. On Friday we are going to get his haircut, because he is in desperate need for a good trim. His hair grows rapidly, I don't know how his hair grows so fast, but Dan's hair grows quickly too, so I am thinking it is just something in his genes that gives him rapid hair growth. I seriously feel sorry for him when he has to start shaving.

Anyhow, Dan's good friend Dave is coming in tomorrow from out of town. Dave doesn't come here too often so Dan is excited to see his friend. We cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. Seriously we vacumed and steam cleaned the carpet, sweapt and mopped both the kitchen and bathroom floor, took out the trash, washed all the clothes and put them away, washed all the blankets and sheets, cleaned the toilet, did the dishes, etc.

Don't get me wrong Dan and I are very clean people and we do a deep cleaning like this every week anyhow, but I was just letting you know all we did to make sure our home was clean and comfortable for his friend. While Dan enjoys some man time with Dave, Jeremiah and I are going over to my parent's house to visit my dad.

Well, it is getting late, almost one in the morning here, and I am getting sleepy. Jeremiah passed out some time ago and Dan has already fallen asleep on the couch. I have to wake in the morning and get Jeremiah ready and off to school. I better get some rest myself. Good night everyone!

Baby Fever

This fever is the worst of all kind. It starts off low grade but quickly climbs into a blistering frenzy. It can be dangerous if not caught in time. No I am not talking about a real fever, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be taken seriously. I am talking about baby fever.

Lately I have been suffering from it and even as I sit here writing I feel guilty. Why am I complaining? I already have one beautiful son. There are women who have no children, may never have children, those are the women who have the right to be complaining of baby fever. But I can't help myself.

Jeremiah turned five this past June and I am ready to have another. Emotionally I am ready, physically I am ready, mentally I am ready, and financially I think we could do it. Dan however believes we are not ready financially. Therefore he is holding off. But it's not so much the financial responsibility than it is about Dan wanting me to finish school before bringing another baby into this world and our lives.

I understand all the good reasons why we should wait, but there are a number of good reasons why I wish we wouldn't wait. I know it is important for me to finish school, to establish myself in my career, and even for Dan and I to get married. These are all real and good reasons. But it doesn't put this fever to rest. It only fules the fire and makes me think of reasons why we should have another baby now.

I want to give Jeremiah a sibling. Of course he will have one, even if we wait, but I just do not feel like he will have that same kind of closeness, that same bond as siblings who are close in age and whom grow up together.

Lets face it; we're not getting any younger. I am only twenty three years old, and while that is relatively young, each passing year I am only getting older. Dan is thirty seven and no offense, but he is most definitely getting older. Any idiot can tell you that with age your chance of getting pregnant decreases. Even if it isn't age that slows my fertility, what if something else happens? What if someday I can't have children because of some other unknown reason? Things happen.

By the time I am finished with school, Dan and I actually get married, and I feel comfortable enough in my career to get pregnant and take maternity leave Jeremiah could very well be 10-12 years old. Do I really want to start all over again? It would be like nearing the finish line of a board game and then pulling a card that tells you to go back to the starting gate. More than likely I would start again, because my desire to add more children to our family is that powerful, but still.

Am I making any sense? I hope so, because these are just a few of my more vital points. I may be convincing you and I have totally convinced myself, but Dan is a tough cookie. Like I have said before, I am a Gemini and we geminis are known to be quite persuasive, but for some reason my charms don't work quite the way I expect on Dan. It is like he has a special shield that keeps me from being able to get to him.

This fever has been coming and going since Jeremiah was like two. One day it starts and drags on for months and then just as suddenly as it came on, I wake up one day and the feeling is gone. But the more time that passes on the worse this fever gets. It comes on stronger and hangs around longer.

I think I am going to continue my pursuit full force, working on Dan, trying to bend him this way and that until finally he sees things my way. Wish me luck.

Making Friends

Dan and I have a knack for making friends everywhere we go. I am being serious when I say this. We are always striking up conversations with people we meet in the grocery store, the automotive shop, the bank, etc. But more than that we have a gift of befriending our neighbors. I don't know why this is. And I can honestly say neither of us are weirdos, we are just genuinely nice and friendly people, and I think people can read that about you if you give off those vibes. I am a great believer in the vibes people send off and how others read them.

The first neighbor we became super close with was Danie, who is now my bestfriend. That was just a little over three years ago. This past summer we made another great friend. She started off as a neighbor, but has now become a wonderful friend to the both of us, but especially to me. Our neighbor Shakela is just wonderful. She is generous, funny, and a miraculous cook (whom invites me and Jeremiah to dinner every weekend, because Dan works on the weekends and it is boring to cook for just me and a small child who hardly eats (literally I don't know how he is alive, I joke that he lives off air)).

Not only that, but Shakela has three beautiful, totally awesome kids. Her oldest is 6 year old Khalil, her middle is 5 year old Saa'mia, and her youngest is 3 year old Sakinah. I am not the only one who has made a friend. Jeremiah has too. Shakela's children have become Jeremiah's first real friends outside of school and I am so proud. Since Jeremiah has a high functioning form of Autism, it can be difficult for him to make friends, due in part because of his lack of communication. I mean he talks, but not perfectly, and sometimes that stands in his way.

Over the summer Jeremiah followed Shakela's bunch like a lost puppy. He would ride his bike with them, play in the dirt with them, and watch cartoons with them. Curently they have an ongoing game of Vampire! A game in which Khalil plays pretend to be a vampire and the others run around screaming, while he chases them, pretending to attack them and suck their blood. I know it sounds crazy and for the most part when the kids get together it is crazy and wild, but it makes for good laughs.

While Jeremiah was busy with that I found myself spending more time with Shakela. It started off with a casual hey, then we started talking about the kids, we began to learn about each other's likes, what we had in common, sharing stories about our pasts, and as they say the rest is history. Now we are always knocking on each other's doors rather it be to borrow sugar, eat dinner together, let the children play, watch our favorite shows together, or just to talk. It is fun and wonderful to have a friend/neighbor like this. Not many people become this close to their neighbors.

But you know how they say all good things come to an end...well I fear this is the end. We didn't have a falling out or anything like that. No. Shakela may be moving at the end of this month and I am not entirely happy. To be dead honest I am not happy at all.

She recently found a place that tickled her pink and she put in her application. She is currently awaiting the verdict of rather or not she is getting the place. If not then most likely she will be renewing her lease. If she does get approved then at the end of this month we have to say our goodbyes. I hate, absolutely hate goodbyes. I have never been good with them, they break my heart, and make me feel empty inside.

A part of me hopes she gets the place, because I know it would make her happy. But for my own selfish reasons I don't want to see her go. We have become so close and I feel so comfortable with her. She is right across the hall, she fills my days with something to look forward to, someone to talk to and laugh with, and Jeremiah's little heart will be broken when he can no longer go over there and play with his friends.

Fortunately she isn't moving far. We can still visit one another, she is moving close by Jeremiah's school, so there will be plenty of oppurtunities for us to see each other, andof course for the kids to visit and play their games.

It still sucks, but at the very least I made a great neighbor and turned her into a great friend. And Jeremiah finally made some friends too. Hopefully, we get another cool neighbor, but probably no one that quite compares to Shakela.

Thanks chica for being an awesome neighbor, a wonderful new friend, and I hope that even if you move away we continue to see each other often, that we may build upon our friendship, and that our children may grow up into lifelong friends. Love ya...and the little ones!

Dreams, Expectations, and Gender Disappointment...

Everyone has wants and dreams. The lucky ones will see their dreams fulfilled and for some those dreams will never become a reality. I can only hope I am one of the lucky ones and if not then I hope I can be happy with what I do have and not dwell upon what I do not have.

When I was a little girl I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to fill my home with the pitter patter of tiny feet, the laughter of children, family traditions, and fingerpaintings strewn across every available surface. I knew I wanted to be a young mother as well. I still clung to the dreams of having an education, a fabulous career, great friends, and a happy marriage, but having children was nestled right there at the top of the list.

It was no surprise to me when I found myself pregnant. And while I admitt there were moments in which I felt nervous, there were more moments in which I was thrilled beyond belief. My dream of becoming a mother was coming true.

When I envisioned this moment, the moment of having my first child, I always seen myself the mother of a beautiful, little girl. Four generations of women in my family had given birth to girls for their firstborns. I never imagined myself any different, why should I break that chain? I knew then, as I know now, the science behind gender. I know that the man's sperm is the one that determines if it will be a boy or girl, but I just knew I was meant to have a daughter.

Until the night before my 19 week ultrasound. I slept hard that night, tossing and turning, and I dreamnt that night, as I always do. The dream was so vivid and felt so real that in the morning I awoke with full rememberance of my dream. As I slept I dreamnt that I was in a hospital and throughout this hospital stood a charming, handsome little boy. I was chasing him, yearning to grab hold of him, but no matter how close I got, I was unable to catch him.

I tried to shake it off, but I just knew it was a sign. I wasn't going to have that sweet baby girl, but rather a baby boy. I made it to my appointment with Dan in tow and as the young, polite ultrasound tech spread the warm gel across my swollen belly and waved her magic wand, pointing to various body parts, showing us the heartbeat, and telling me everything looked just perfect, I was in a daze. She asked us if we would like to know the sex and I nodded earnestly. “It's a boy!” she smiled enthusiastically. Dan was filled with joy, jumping up and down and clapping his hands, like that of a young child on Christmas morning to find he got everything he asked for.

On the other hand I was feeling bummed. I loved this miracle growing inside me and I couldn't help but to smile when I felt him fluttering around in there. But I felt as though all my dreams had been crushed, stomped into tiny bits and pieces. All my dreams of pink dresses, ballet lessons, pigtails with purple barrettes, gymnastics, barbies, baby dolls, easy bake ovens, girl scouts, so on, and so on just broken.

I was saddened. My dream of a daughter had been snatched away and replaced by Dan's dream of having a son. For the next month I didn't want to go baby shopping, I didn't want to share the news of expecting a boy with anyone. I wanted to get in my time machine, go back, and somehow arrange it so I was having a girl. Then when I was around 26 weeks along a friend was telling me how a mutual friend of ours had given birth to a boy. She told me our friend hadn't wanted a boy, but fell in love with him, only to have him die of SIDS a couple months later.

That is when I got out of bed, put a smile on my face, and decided I didn't want to live that way. I wanted to be thankful for even being blessed with the gift of a child. I wanted to appreciate all the things I did have. I wanted to love my future son and I wanted him to feel that love even before he were born. So many women cannot have children. Who was I to pout about being blessed with a son?

I gave birth to my son in June 2006. It is true what they say, there is no love that compares to the love a mother feels for her child. I fell in love with my son the very second they put him in my arms. I knew this was God's plan for me. I could do this.

This tremendous love I feel has lasted and it continues to grow everyday. Jeremiah makes life worth living, he always manages to make me laugh, and he never fails to surprise me. I used to think back and feel ashamed of how I reacted to having a son. But lately when I look back I have a new perspective. This is many thanks to all the other women out there who have felt the same feelings as I did, who have shared their stories with me, and have not been ashamed of it.

What I have learned along the way is that women, as men, have certain wants and dreams. Some men want a son, because they want someone to teach manly things, they want a son who will carry on the family name, and they want a son to do “guy” things with such as fishing and watching football. But I think some women, just like me, have a legacy they want to fulfill as well. They want a daughter to do “girly” things with, they want a daughter to teach womanly things, and they want a daughter to share precious moments with such as when she gets married and has children of her own. And there is nothing wrong with this. This is nothing to be ashamed of.

Gender disappointment is a real thing and I think more women experience it than we let on. I think as woman we are told we should love our children for what they are, and yes that is true, but we shouldn't be outcasted for feeling moments of disappointment. And that is why so many keep quiet for the fear of being found out. We fear someone might think we are a bad mother for being disappointed that we didnt have that son or that daughter we longed for. But it's okay to have expectations and it's okay to feel upset at the prospect of certain dreams being broken, even if only for a period of time.

Today I love my son more than words can ever say, but now and again I feel a twinge of jealousy when I see a woman strolling down the street with her daughter or when I am told that a good friend of mine is having her fourth daughter. But I remember all the reasons why I wouldn't give my son up for a million daughters, all the reasons why I love him, and I wouldn't change anything.

Dan and I want more children so my time isn't over just yet. My dreams have yet to be completely broken. I hope my dream isn't broken, maybe...just maybe I will get my wish. But even if it is broken, even if I have 2 or 3 sons I will still think I am one of the lucky ones. I am blessed and hopefully if God plans for me to have all sons, he blesses me with amazing daughter in laws, whom will allow me to share in her joy when she gets married and has children.

In the mean time God has already provided me with a beautiful, intelligent, and healthy goddaughter. And that to me is the next best thing, but that's a story I will save for another day.

Soul Mate

I feel the need to clarify....if for nothing more than to be honest.

When I refer to, Dan, as my husband...it is not meant in the traditional sense. Well sort of. Dan and I have never actually walked down the aisle of a church, recited vows in front of family and friends, nor have we fed each other cake and we do not share the same last name.

Don't get me wrong, we want to do these things. After being together for 6 years we know each other better than some married couples know one another. We know each other's favorites and least favorites, we know how to push the other's buttons, we share the same dreams and hopes for the future.

But we have not made it official just yet, because I want to finish school before we say those vows. I know Dan is the man I want to spend my life with and if I am going to get married I plan on doing it one time and one time only. So I want my wedding to be special and everything I have always dreamed it to be.

While it may not be official I do know that in my heart he is the man for me, the one in which I wish to grow old with, the one I want to make my husband. That is why in my book he is my husband. Dan for all intent and purposes is my soul mate.

What got me thinking about soul mates is, well Dan and I just got into a little tiff. Long story short I got home this evening, after spending some much needed time with my dad, put Jeremiah to sleep and proceeded to fold and put away all the clean laundry (which was a lot since I have been kind of lazy lately about the laundry...okay you got me, I am always lazy when it comes to folding and putting away laundry).

Anyway after completing that horrendous task all I wanted to do was sit my lazy butt on the couch, maybe watch a little bad TV and perhaps read a book (The Memory Keeper's Daughter...I bought it quite sometime ago and still haven't gotten around to reading it). Dan on the other hand, since I had first arrived home actually, decided he wanted to talk until my ears bleed. He has been chattering away practically non stop and quite frankly I just wasn't in the mood. So when the TV flickered on Dan got the hint, was insulted by the fact that I didn't feel like listening to him anymore, and stomped off to bed. Looking back it's quite funny, because usually it would be the woman doing what Dan did.

As much as I love Dan I know that our relationship takes some decent amount of work to keep it alive and well. Not because we're not in love, but because in all honesty Dan and I have the odds stacked against us. Here is why:

1. “ The Age Gap”: Dan and I are 14 years apart in age. That isn't just an age gap, we are literally in a completely different generation from one another. Because of this age difference Dan and I tend to view the world differently. Dan thinks like the 37 year old man he is and I think like the young 23 year old woman I am. Sometimes this can be a good thing though. Dan is older than me and can be more sensible and responsible when it comes to important issues, but as a young woman in her twenties I keep Dan young by offering fresh, new ideas and reminding him how vital it is to stay young at heart.

2. “Venus Vs. Mars”: This is something all couples struggle with and it is fairly simple. He is a man and I am a woman. No matter which two ways you look at it we naturally think, behave, and react in different ways.

3. “Gemini + Pices= ?”: Dan doesn't believe a single bit in the zodiac...but I do to a certain extent. I do not think it is mere coincidence that we tend to portray characteristics of the zodiac sign in which we were born under. As a pices Dan is sensitive, generous, caring, organized, dramatic, family oriented and needs a lot of reassuring. As a Gemini gal I am outgoing, carefree, fickle, never finish what I start, versatile, do not care what other people think, and fly by the seat of my pants. I am also not an overtly sensitive individual. I say what I think, I overshare, and I speak before I think most of the time, and more often than not I do not think nor care too much about how what I say might hurt someone's feelings, and believe me I have hurt people's feelings because of this. Not purposely, but it happens, and Dan is one of those people whose feelings are easily hurt.

Those are just a few examples of why Dan and I have to work at our relationship. We are merely different people. That is not a bad thing, because I wouldn't want to be with someone who is just like me, who enjoys all the same things, who always agrees with me...that would be boring.

There are also things Dan does that grind my gears so to speak. Such as how he thinks he does more for our family because he works, but I don't. I think I work too, here at home I do all the cleaning, cooking, and taking care of our son when he is not here to help. Dan also likes to play the blame game as in he hates to hold himself accountable for his own actions so he likes to pass the buck onto someone else. Dan also always wants to be right, because he is older he feels the need to be the one who is wiser and therefore knows things.

But despite all the reasons why we are so opposite of one another I know there are reasons why we are so meant for each other.

He makes me laugh with his insane stories and jokes, he is a hard worker and proves that everyday he goes out and makes money to support our family, he does know things that I don't know or understand, he is a good father to our son, he is reliable, he is loyal and honest, he is a good lover, a good cook when he does cook, he shares my dreams for the future, he is kind even to those he does not know, he is generous when he can be, he puts me and our son before himself, he is responsible, he makes me feel like a princess, he tells me I am beautiful everyday, he is affectionate, and I know I can tell him anything. Dan isn't just a good father, a good husband, a good man...he is an overall good person. More than anything he isn't just my soul mate, he is a close and dear friend. We will always have each other's back, he has my heart as I have his, and he is a part of who I am as a person.

And so yes, though at times it is hard work, I think all good things are worth working and fighting for. So, for me Dan is my love, my husband, my soul mate. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now ladies I ask you...how do you know your man is the one? Is he your soul mate? Why and how does he complete you/make you a better person?

Bitter.

When one is poor everything you see is something you cannot have. You go window shopping. Staring longingly at all the shiny, new objects that you wish you could buy. They call your name, please buy me. And it takes all the strength you have to muster up the courage to turn away.

Poor people spend their money on the things you need instead of the things they want. They shop at the local dollar tree, they buy used cars, they wear shoes from Payless, and pinch their pennies. There are more poor people in this world than there are rich.

 They say that being poor makes you humble. But I am not sure I believe that. Actually I don't believe that, not in the least bit. Let me be the first one to tell you I am poor and I am not humble. In fact being poor has left me with a taste of bitter, like that of a lemon on the tip of my tongue.

I envy those who have all the beautiful things that I want but do not have. The perfect house, the brand new car, the latest smartphone, that Gucci purse, the fantastic job, and money...all the money they could never know how to spend quite as well as I could.

They say that money can't buy you happiness. I am not sure who first said this or why people tend to hold onto this belief, but I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that money does buy you happiness. Money can buy you a house, a car, the perfect family, a tummy tuck, shit it can even buy you love if you're that desperate.

I don't mean to sound like a hater, but for now I guess you could say I am feeling a little poor these days. So, please excuse me if I sound bitter or worse yet nasty.

Letting Go

I always knew this day would come. I couldn't possibly expect him to be a baby forever. I wanted to keep him nestled right next to me til the end of time, but alas it is time to let go. Jeremiah started kindergarten last Monday. Even though Jeremiah went to pre-school for two years, this still feels different. Kindergarten marks a moment in a childs' life that signifies they are truly a big kid.

I am partly excited for him and in a way I am ready to embrace this change. While I have enjoyed spending much of my days with him, it is nice to send him off to school on the school bus and have my days free. Although, I admitt I am bored out of my mind most of the day. I lay around in my pajamas watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU, surfing the web, and thinking about what me and Jeremiah can do once he makes it home.

But I am also nervous for him. Something about starting school gets those butterflies in my tummy all stirred up and makes my palms sweat. I wonder how he will adapt to his new school and his new teacher, and new classmates. Will he like it there? Will he make friends or become the next, new victim of the school bully? What is he doing all day? Is he learning? Are the teachers nice to him?

This is only the second week of school and he hasn't gotten any homework just yet. I have received a paper of lowercase and uppercase A's that he had cut out and glued onto a sheet of paper and a paper where he traced his name. Both of which I am proud of, have showed to anyone who will take a peek, and are now displayed on the fridge.

On Monday I got a call from the school nurse informing me that during recess Jeremiah bumped his face on the playground equipment and will be coming home with a bruise...sure enough today my baby has a shiner on his left eye/cheeck. Every time I look at it I think "my poor baby" and I give him kisses to soothe the pain away. Dan tells me he is boy and will have more shiners in his days. He says it will toughen him up, but to me Jeremiah is my baby...I don't want him to toughen up just yet.

Today I received a letter in Jeremiah's school folder that Jeremiah had alot of tears today. He didn't want to do his work, he didn't want to share, and he refused to eat his lunch. That broke my heart to hear that he is having such a difficult time. I wrote back that sharing is a battle we are working through at home as well (he's an only child and doesn't have many friends his age), I wrote that tomorrow we will see how Jeremiah does with a hot lunch at school instead of me packing his lunch for him, and if there was anything I could do at home to help him to please let me know. How else am I to respond?

Jeremiah is in a special, autism classroom. I thought that would make things easier on him, but so far he is not taking this well. He keeps asking me about his pre-school teacher from last year and every time I explain to him again that he is in a new grade this year and therefore he has a new school and a new teacher. I am not too worried though. Last year he was upset about having a new teacher, but within a couple months he loved her. I believe that with time and patience Jeremiah will grow to enjoy his new school, learn to love his new teacher, and make good friends with his classmates.

At least that is the hope I am floating on. I knew that letting go would be hard for me, but I never imagined that it would be just as hard, if not harder, on him too. This sucks. Why doesn't anyone warn you that letting go is another challenge all its own? Not just for parent, but for child.

I pray things slowly but surely get better. If you are reading this I ask that you pray for Jeremiah too. Pray that he learns to love his new school and teachers, may he not get beaten up by any bullies, and may he excel within due time.

Kindergarten is hard work.

Home Sweet Home

I have been home since the 14th of August and it is good to be home again. Of course I miss everyone back in Chicago, especially my little bro and my mom, but I have so many loved ones here and it is good to see them again. I told you I would write a long post about my vacation and indeed I am...

I arrived in Chicago on July 30th around 5:30 in the evening. I realized that the train wasn't too bad. It is much more roomier than the Greyhound, but still not quite as fast as an airplane. Jeremiah loved the train. He usually plays with his toy trains and God forbid we drive across choo choo train tracks, because he will beg that we do it again. So, actually being on a real train thrilled him beyond his wildest dreams.

We spent the entire first week of our stay with my mother and my little brother, Jonathan. My brother isn't too little anymore. He is 13 years old and basically a teenage boy. When I seen him I hardly recognized him. Within one year's time he had changed so much. He is getting a mustache and hair on his legs. I couldn't believe it. We went shopping, swimming, and there were a couple days we did nothing but watch tv and relax. It didn't matter to me though. Being there with them, talking and laughing was good enough for me.

The second week we were there we spent with my grandmother Katie. We went to my Aunt Karen's block party and Jeremiah had a blast. He spent an entire hour inside the bounce house with his uncle Jonathan. And after some coaxing and lots of praise he loved the water slide. He spent around three hours on that. All that playing worked up an appetite and we enjoyed gyros and cotton candy. We were also there to celebrate my grandmother Katie's 60th birthday and we seen the Smurfs movie.

All in all the vacation was everything I hoped it to be and more. I was filled with joy to be there with my family. My family is loud and crazy. They fight and don't always use the most appropriate language. Some of them lie, some of them have serious problems, and some of them are not the brightest crayons in the box. But I think we can all relate. All of us have crazy families.

And I love my wild and crazy family. I wouldn't change them for anything in the world. I have fun with them. I can tell them anything, we can laugh about everything, and even though we may not always see eye to eye we are there for one another. We have each other's backs...and that's what family is all about.

I am defenitely going back next summer for another two weeks, and if I am lucky I am going to try to see them for a week during Christmas vacation, but we will have to see. Until then I have all those precious moments, treasured memories...that I will hold close and dear to my heart.

*By the way...for the record I took tons of pictures while I was there...149 to be specific. But I didn't want to have a photo bomb going on here. So, I chose my favorites and shared them with you. I hope you enjoy my Chicago Vacation photo collages. Smile =)

Vacation!

Hey everyone! Well I have been in Chicago for just 3 days officially. I must say it is still a beautiful city and I am enjoying it to the fullest. I have been spending time with all my loved ones and loving every minute of it. Of course my family is still as crazy as ever, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My brother and cousin have been fighting over me like I am some shiny new toy they found, everyone still talks loud and laughs even louder and harder. It has been a busy few days. Visiting with everyone and swimming and eating and laughing. So far this vacation is turning out to be the best and I am having the time of my life and so is Jeremiah.

Well I am pooped and ready to get some sleep. I wrote this on my phone so if I messed up...I am sorry. When I get back home stay tuned for a long vacation post filled with tons of pictures. Happy summer readers! Tata for now.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

That there is the title of one of my favorite movies starring Steve Martin and John Candy. If you have seen it you know why it is awesome and if you haven't seen it then you should. I don't want to ruin the movie for you but it is hilarious to say the least.

Anyhow today is the day I have been waiting for. Jeremiah and I are leaving by train for Chicago. We will spend two fabulous weeks there with my side of the family. We do not get to see them very often...so this is sort of a big deal to me. Jeremiah is thrilled to be taking the train. I wish it were plane, because it is faster, but I am thankful we are not going by bus or automobile, because that would take even longer.

We are all packed up. Our train departs at 3 o'clock. Wake up Chicago...because here we come!

Stressed to kill

Tomorrow Jeremiah and I leave for our 2 week stay in Chicago. I am excited beyond belief to see all my loved ones. Jeremiah is excited too....well at least he is excited about the train ride there.

Of course I will miss all my family and friends and my hubby that will be staying behind here in Saint Louis, but there is nothing quite like getting away. Sometimes it is nice to be surrounded by different faces, laughter of another kind, and enthralled in a whole new atmosphere.

Yet right now I am feeling stressed. Packing brings a new kind of stress to me. I do not get out of town often enough and therefore I have yet to obtain a decent luggage system. I have a few duffel bags I am using and I feel like it isn't working too well.

You know how there are professional movers? There needs to be some company who allows you to hire professional vacation packers. Someone who can come in and do all the work for me. And for a little extra dough you can rent luggage. The nice and fancy kind like all the superstars and rich people use when they travel.

I think I am going to take a break and watch a movie. Something relaxing and something that will hopefully grant me a few good laughs. Because all this packing has me ready to pull my hair out.

But it really is a small price to pay when come tomorrow I will be headed towards more hugs and kisses than I can handle. I will be on my way to enjoying myself, having a good time, laughing until my sides hurt, and taking tons of pictures to document this moment.

I can't wait.

Jeremiah's Birth Story

A good birth story is always interesting right? Well I think so. Due to a serious lack of having anything to write about (honestly today was boring) I thought I would share with you the story of my son's birth. It is a story I would have wanted to share at some point or another and I figure right now is as good a time as any. I enjoy sharing this story with others and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Once upon a time I was pregnant with a bouncing baby boy. At my 36 week check up my doctor had measured me and said I was measuring a little big (around 38 weeks). She wanted me to have an ultrasound to be sure the baby wasn't too big and if he was she would probably induce me. My doctor had warned me she didn't believe I would make it to my due date. Anyhow, she scheduled an ultrasound for that next Tuesday, June 27th. In the mean time I was to just sit tight and try to relax as much as I could because pretty soon I would have a demanding baby living with me.

The rest of that week went by basically as normal as normal could be. On Monday, June 26th my parents had stopped by to check up on me. They joked around asking me when the baby would come. I laughed and reminded them I still had 3 more weeks until my due date. When they left I went back to my cleaning. I guess I was still nesting a bit and had decided to hang up all of mine and Dan's clean clothes (that had been waiting to be hung up for like 2 weeks). I was nearly done, putting shirts on hangers, when I felt a slight bit damp down south. I thought no big deal, I probably just tinkled a tiny bit. I was almost done with this final project and wanted to finish it. I kept right on going until about 10 minutes laters I felt a trickle. I looked down at my leg to find, to my amazement, a clear fluid slowly trickling down my leg.

"My water just broke!" I screamed to Dan. We called my parents, whom thought we were joking, and then made a bag. Do not even begin to ask me why I waited until the last possible minute to make a bag to take to the hospital. When my parents got there they drove us to the hospital and I made my way to the pregnancy assesment center. There they checked the fluid, which turned out to be amniotic fluid, determined my water had broken indeed, and set me up with an IV. Afterward I was given my room (room # 1420)...yes I remember that.

Fortunately for me both of my nurses were totally awesome. They were so kind and did everything they could to make me feel comfortable. Because my water had broken and my contractions were not really up to par they decided to give me pitocin to jump start my labor. Unfortunately for me that made my contractions practically unbearable and it didn't help that I was having tremendous back labor. I had planned for an all natural childbirth, but when I was 6 cm dialated I couldn't take it anymore and asked for an epidural. It was a lifesaver, but next time around I still plan on having a drug free childbirth.

My labor continued to progress throughout the night and into the next day. At 3 o'clock I remember my nurse telling me it was time to push. I pushed and pushed and finally at 3:28 p.m. on Tuesday, June 27th Jeremiah was born. Funny that was the day I should have been going to get an ultrasound, but I guess he had other plans. He weighed 7 lbs. 2 oz and he was 19 1/2 inches long...a little runt. Due to having group b strep and running a high fever during labor they had Jeremiah stay in the special care nursery. That was disappointing since I wanted him to room in with me during our hospital stay.

While my birth wasn't exactly what I had pictured it to be, it certainly wasn't the worst neither. However since giving birth to Jeremiah I have become much more informed. I have educated myself beyond belief on childbirth. Next time I plan on hiring a midwife and giving birth at home or at a birthing center with nothing more than me, Dan, my family, friends, and midwife. No doctors. I still want the experience of having an all natural childbirth.

On June 30th, 2006 we brought home our little man and as they say the rest is history. It is hard and tiring when you first become a parent. You try to prepare but in all actuality nobody is ready for an infant until there really is one there. There are times when you want to scream or cry and pull out all your hair, but I promise you this...being a parent is by far one of the most exciting and wonderful experiences of my life. It has its ups and downs, but it also has its perks...and through all the trials and tribulations it is most certainly rewarding.

Life will never be the same again once you become a parent...but take it from me, that is a very good thing indeed.

The 7th Stage

In psychology and then again in Stress Management I was taught that there are seven stages of grief that one goes through. We usually experience these stages when a loved one dies, but it isn't quite as simple as that. Research suggests that we go through the stages of grief not only when someone dies, but even when we end a relationship, and parents of special needs children experience it as well.

When a parent learns that their child has a special need, something dies right then and there. Their child is alive, but their dream....that dream child dies. I have experienced these stages firsthand when I found out Jeremiah had a high functioning form of autism...

Stage One: Shock
When Jeremiah was diagnosed I was sort of shocked. I had known for awhile that Jeremiah was not your typically developing child. I had my suspisions, but I honestly believed he was just a late bloomer or had a mild speech delay. I never thought he would have a condition that would plague him for the rest of his life.

Stage Two: Denial
I even went through this stage. For a short time I thought maybe they were wrong. Surely, this couldn't be possible. Afterall, autism is more likely to occur when a family member has it...but noone in Dan or my family had it. So, there must have been kind of mistake. This stage didn't last long though...because I also knew you couldn't argue facts and science.

Stage Three: Bargaining
I thought I could talk my way out of this. Maybe if I promised to help others less fortunate, volunteer my time to the needy...then God would make Jeremiah better. I just had to be a better person and once all was forgiven Jeremiah could be normal.

Stage Four: Guilt
This is a stage that comes and goes. It never seems to go away completely. Sometimes I feel guilty because I think I must have done something wrong. Maybe I didn't hold him enough as a baby? Maybe I didn't do something right during my pregnancy...did I not eat the right foods? Then I feel guilty thinking about future children I hope to have...if they're normal...will he always be behind them? I feel guilty that he is like this...will he have friends? Will he finish school and go to college? Will he be able to have a career? Marriage? Kids of his own someday?

Stage Five: Anger
Sometimes I am just angry. I am angry at the world because the world is a tough place to hang. I get angry with God...isn't life hard enough being normal? Why did he choose my child to live life this way? I am angry when I see parents with their normal children...it's not fair. I am angry this is happening to us, to him.

Stage Six: Depression
Then there are the times you feel depressed. Sometimes I am embarassed when we're out in public and Jeremiah is stemming. And then I feel instantly sad, angry, upset with myself for feeling that way. I get depressed when I think about all the things that Jeremiah may never get to experience...when I think about the times when he may not fit in or he may be picked on for being different.

Stage Seven: Acceptance/Hope
I have reached this stage, depite the fact that once in awhile I jump back to the previous stages. I have accepted Jeremiah for who he is. I have informed myself as much as I can about autism and continue to do so. I know in my heart it is nothing I did wrong and no amount of bribing is going to make it go away. I still have hope that they will find a cure...if not for Jeremiah then for future children. I remain hopeful that Jeremiah will make friends, he will be a good student, he will become successful in whatever career path he takes, and he will get married and have children (if he wants to).

The message of this post is simply if you are going through these stages, if you are the parent of a special need child don't be ashamed. You are not alone and it is normal to grieve...and more than all else never give up hope. Always try to wake up with a smile, laugh as much as you can, love like there is no tomorrow, and always look at the glass half full.

Changes....

Hey there readers! I just wanted to tell you all about a little something.

My dad is an inspiration to me. He has always been someone I can trust and someone I can turn to. He makes me laugh, he gives wonderful advice, and I seriously feel like I was blessed with such a great man to call my dad.

My dad has been battling his weight for some time now. When he was younger he was husky, but over the years his weight has reached a very unhealthy level. Eight years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes.

You would think that after being diagnosed with diabetes he would gain control, but he struggled to maintain a healthy lifestyle. And as anyone knows who has ever struggled with their weight before, there are many contributing factors to this problem.

Just a month ago my father seen his doctor, only to discover that his blood sugar was so off the charts that he was nearly in a diabetic coma. His doctor told him if he didn't get a handle on things he may very well only have about 5 years left.

I guess something struck a cord with him and it stuck. One morning he woke up and just decided it was time for him to get serious. He realized he wanted to live life to its fullest, he wanted to see his grandson grow into a man, and he wanted to die a very old man.

It has now been only two months, but he has already lost 37 lbs! And this time he is sticking to his diet. He is learning new ways to eat healthy, how to exercise the right way, and become an overall healthier individual. And he isn't just losing weight. He is discovering a great deal about himself, both emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

And now instead of constantly updating his facebook status several times a day to share his weight loss journey with friends and family, he has taken my advice and created a blog...not only to share with friends and family, but to share with the world.

He has inspired me and I hope he is able to inspire others as well. Because it's never too late to make changes and it is never too late to live life. Check out his blog at the link listed below...

Wayne's Weight Loss Journey

The last time you....prt 2

Okay so I did this a few weeks back and it is time to do it again. It's fun so you should join in too. And like last time I did not come up with this on my own...this is the idea of one of my favorite bloggers @ http://www.confessionsfromaworkingmom.com/. She is funny and great, so you should go check her out!

When was the last time you....

Went to a concert: Oh shoot, it has been ages! The last time I went to a concert I was like 15 years old. I went with my dad, mom, my uncle, aunt, and cousin to go see the Scorpions! I know right? But honestly I really do like the Scorpions even though they were before my time. And Tesla rocked it as the opening act! It was fun, but seriously I need to go to another concert, because that's just sad. It's been almost 10 years...damn I feel old.

Vacuumed your floors: Well, lately I have been lagging to be honest. It has been about 3 days since I vacuumed...and I can tell that it needs to be done, but sometimes it is just a pain in the ass.

Went somewhere by yourself: This past Friday Jeremiah was with his grandma and grandpa which gave me a nice break for the night. I went to the library and to the grocery store all by myself and it was so pleasant. Not that Jeremiah is horrible, but it is nice to have these little moments to yourself every now and again.

Had a mani or pedi: It has been a couple months since I have had my nails done. I do not get them done very often, because honestly I can take good care of my nails and feet at home for less than half the price at a nail salon. However every couple months I like to treat myself to something nice that makes me feel fancy and ultra feminine. For some women that is a bikini wax, a new pair of shoes....for me that is a manicure and maybe a new purse. Come to think of it I think it is time to go get my nails done soon.

Got eight hours of uninterrupted sleep: Well, before I answer I just want to say to all those other mommies out there...please do not hate me. I just happened to luck out...there is a good chance that this won't happen with my next child. Jeremiah started sleeping through the night at 2 months old...all on his own. When he was 3 months old I moved him to his crib in his own room and I did have to train him with that (it took about 2 weeks), but I knew he could do it, because he was already doing it on his own. So, fortunately I have been getting sleep for basically all my life...but like I said Jeremiah is and has always been a good sleeper, but that may not happen next time around. Don't worry I will keep you posted when I have next my child and if he/she are not sleeping I am sure you all will be like "HA!" It is okay...no hard feelings.

Instant Knockdown...

I feel like I should be on that show Infested! Literally because sometime around the beginning of July I began to notice them. At first it was only a couple here and there...no biggie. But as the days have gotten hotter they are seriously coming out of the woodwork. I didn't know where they were coming from, but I know now and every time I go outside to smoke a cigarette I can't look up at it....and if I do my heart skips a beat and I start feeling nervous. I am looking over my shoulder, wearing light colored clothing, moving very slowly if I even move at all...the whole chabang. And why am I terrified to go out in the daylight? What is it that has me keeping myself locked away inside the house like a caged animal....WASPS!

I have never been stung by a wasp (knock on wood)...and no I am usually not a superstitious person, but this time I am not taking any chances. Back to the wasps. I have never been stung by one, but from what I have been told it is not pretty. When wasps sting they don't just sting you once, but instead they may sting you multiple times and then have a few of their buddies join in. That doesn't sound like my cup of tea.

We live in an apartment and I am telling you they do not have a clue what they're doing. I did my research (that's where I got the idea to move slowly around them and wear light colored clothing) and it said if you want to kill the wasps you need to saturate the nest thoroughly (not from far away, but not too close neither), let it sit for 24 hours and then attempt to remove the nest (by then the wasps should be dead including those that came back to it). It also clearly stated you should do this at night or early morning, because that is when the wasps are at rest so you are much less likely to be attacked.

Our maintanence crew is doing this ass backwards though. They do it in the middle of the afternoon in the sweltering heat, they are standing too far below it to even reach it and there is no way they are saturating it. And even if they are saturating it, they are not removing it....so what good are we doing here? Other than probably pissing off the wasps and thereby causing them to become more aggressive.

And Jeremiah loves going outside. He goes out on the balcony jumping around, flapping his arms all over the place...in my opinion doing everything he can to attract these damn monsters. Every time he goes outside I am watching him like a hawk and can hardly breathe. Jeremiah has never been stung by anything in his life (knock on wood) and I have no idea if he is allergic or not and of course the stings hurt and I don't want to see my poor baby in pain of any kind so long as I can help it.

But he doesn't listen...he wants to go outside and while I am praying that he isn't stung I let him out. Let's be honest I cannot keep my son locked away all summer. But I do hate these wasps....I know wasps and bees and such insects help the enviornment, but they're a little too close for comfort and that is what scares me. I want the wasps to be gone, but I am sure as hell not about to climb on the roof, find the nest, and go in for the kill myself. With my luck I would find the nest and the next thing you know I am scrambling off the roof, screaming bloody murder, and fighting my way into the apartment through the screen door, only to find out Dan locked it, and while he is taking a nap I am stung to death by wasps.

So, I have been invaded by wasps. Is it scary? Hell yeah! Am I afraid we will get stung? Uh yeah...I am scared shitless. But will I make it through the summer? Yeah I will, even though I unfortunately have to share my summer and my patio with annoying wasps. I guess I have no other choice but to tread carefully and slowly, wear light colored clothing (preferbly white), and continue praying we make it out alive.

*Good thing wasps can't read. Otherwise I would be in a world of trouble or at least I might find myself under attack...

Random Thoughts

Once again it has been a little while since my last post. And once again it is not because I am particularly busy...just being sort of lazy perhaps. So, please forgive me.

In 9 days Jeremiah and I are going on our vacation. We are going to Chicago, IL to visit family. We will be there until the 14th of August and I am super excited. I have not been to Chicago for 2 years and I am looking forward to spending time with my family, visiting 26th street where you can get a real steak taco or a real beef sandwich, and just doing something different. Dan will not be with us, because he cannot get the time off from work. He is kind of sad that he will be alone for 2 whole weeks, but I told him it is like a vacation for him too. There will be no Jeremiah there to wake him up at 8 o'clock in the morning, he can invite his friends over and do disgusting guy things, sleep in, be messy, leave the toilet seat up, etc. That made him feel a little bit better.

I am watching the tv show Infested...I hate pests such as roaches, but I also find it absolutely fascinating to learn about them. The episode I am watching now a mother and her son are evicted after attracting the wrong kind of attention to the building managers...and I am thinking these managers should be sued and fined for having a roach infested building that is not safe for living quarters for humans. Sorry I had to throw that in.

The other day Jeremiah was playing "ghost"....and it got me thinking about Halloween. It is officially my favorite holiday. I love dressing up, going door to door for candy, watching scary movies on television, and trying to scare other people all in the name of fun. This year Danie and I are going together to take the kids trick or treating. I am going to dress up as a witch (yes I still dress up now and again)...but I have no clue what to make Jeremiah. He has been Tigger, Darth Vader, Spiderman, and a pirate. I am thinking either a ghost, skeleton, scooby doo, or a vampire. What do you guys think?

My mom and dad are taking Jeremiah tomorrow night. My mom and dad are sooo good with him and love him to death. My mom will get on the floor and play with him, they tickle him until he can't breathe, and my mom will rent kid movies for them to curl up on the couch and watch. He also always talks my mom into getting him McDonald's. He really does not have it too often, maybe once every couple weeks. My mom almost always gets it for him though and he just loves it when she does. He calls their fries "hot fries"...if only that were the truth...LOL.

Anyhow, I have so much I want to share on here like my goddaughter's birth (her 2nd birthday is coming up soon), Jeremiah's birth story, etc...but all in due time I promise. This is all I have for now...I will be back soon to write something special. Have a good evening everyone!

BFF

Best Friends Forever! Doesn't everyone have that one special friend they consider to be their best friend? I would say that most do. Actually most have a few and I am no exception. I like to call her my bestie or girlie. But to everyone else she is known as Danie. Danie and I have only known each other for 3 years, but in that short amount of time we have become bestfriends. And I plan on keeping it that way forever....

Dan and I were living in an apartment complex and one day he came in all giddy like a child on Christmas morning. I wondered what could have him so damn happy.

Me: "What's up babe?"
Dan: "I met the coolest guy. He lives here and he plays guitar. We're going to jam together, okay hun?"
Me: "Sure...."
Dan: "Oh he has a girlfriend too....maybe you and her can talk. I know how desperate you are for a friend."
Me: "I am not desperate! Okay well maybe I want someone to talk to, but I do have standards."
Dan: "Well it was just a thought...maybe you two will hit it off."
Me: "Yeah maybe so."

Some time went by until one warm summer evening. I had finished up the nightly ritual of putting Jeremiah to sleep and I was ready to jump in the shower and then watch the Unsolved Mysteries I had received in the mail via Netflix. Dan said he would watch it with me, so off to the shower I went. When I got out I was ready to go, but Dan was nowhere to be found. Where the hell did he go now?

That is when I looked out our living room window to se him standing outside talking to some girl. Like most women who see their hubby talking to some pretty and may I add thin, young woman I immediately felt my blood begin to boil. Who the hell is that chick? I decided to investigate and so I crept out the apartment door, locking it behind me, and waltzed my way outside.

Me: "Hey babe...there you are! I thought we were going to watch Unsolved Mysteries?"
Dan: "We are hun...I just came out to smoke and got to talking to one of our neighbors."
Me: "Oh how long have you lived here?"
Danie: "Not too long..."
Dan: "This is Julian's girlfriend...uh Danie. We just got to talking."
Me: " Oh..."

I don't remember quite what happened after that other than the formal, awkward introduction, learning that Julian was at work, Danie was out of cigarettes, Dan took her to the store to get some, and somehow I ended up inviting her over to watch Unsolved Mysteries with us, which she loved as much as I did.

But that night we barely paid any attention to the show, because even though we had just met Danie and I connected beautifully. Have you ever met someone that you just hit it off with? You don't know what it is but you know it's something stronger than you (perhaps beyond this dimension of time), some way, somehow you have this powerful connection to someone you have just met. That is exactly what happened. Upon our first meeting we hung out half the night, just talking and talking about everything. We were pleasantly surprised to find that we had so much in common. I stayed up until 3 in the morning talking with her.

Danie and I slowly began to hang out more and more, slowly becoming closer. But when Danie found herself pregnant in December of 2008 we became closer than I think either of us could ever have imagined. I spent time going over baby books with her while she was pregnant and giving her my best advice. I was present at the birth of her daughter. I helped her give Leaira her first bath. I said yes when she asked me to be Leaira's godmother. I am there for her when she needs someone to vent to, when she needs a shoulder to cry on, and of course when she needs a good laugh.

As much as I have been there for her, she has always been there for me too. She listens to me, we can finish each other's sentences, we agree on almost every important issue, we still have loads in common, I understand her, and she understands me. And yes we have had our moments when we do not agree, when we are grating on each other's nerves, when for some unknown reason our messages are getting crossed, mixed up, and lost. But we get past those almost as quickly as they came. The imporant thing is we are there for each other whenever, wherever, whatever. She accepts me as I am and loves me for who I am and I accept her for who she is and I love her as she is.

So, I guess it's true in every way shape and form. I have a bestfriend and she is mine. She is the greatest one of them all and I am fortunate to have her in my life. And for all intents and purposes it doesn't even matter how she came into my life, so long as she never leaves it.

I love you girlie...

Do you have a bestfriend? How did you meet? If this was your last day on earth and you had only this moment to tell her everything you have always wanted to tell her, what would you say?

Smother me, why don't you?

I just realized that it has been a few days since I have posted anything new. And truth be told I have not been particularly busy. I have been spending much of my time with my bestie, Danie and my goddaughter, Leaira. I have also been more tired than usual because since Jeremiah has been out of school he hasn't been going to sleep like he usually does. Therefore, I have been staying up later as well. And Dan has been working non stop. He is basically down to having only one day off, and I really can't complain because I am thankful he has a job while so many other families are struggling to find work and make ends meet.

                                                                                                                                                                   

Anyhow, I have finally come to realize that there are two kinds of people in this world, the cuddlers and the non cuddlers. I am a non cuddler and Dan is a cuddler. Let me explain...

Dan is the lovey dovey type. He likes to kiss, hug, and snuggle as much as he can. While I enjoy the kisses and the hugs I have found that I do not want them in excess. I have never been a snuggler and Dan always wants to snuggle with me when we're lying in bed, when we're watching tv on the couch, and even when I am standing over a hot stove cooking dinner.

I am chlostraphobic and snuggling makes me feel like I am literally being suffocated. I don't want to be squeezed, I don't want anyone's body sprawled across my own, and I don't want to feel anyone's hot nostril air on the back of my neck or especially in my face. Dan thinks it is all in my head, but honestly if I could snuggle I would, but I just can't.

I come from a family that is very loving. We let our emotions out and I was never reprimanded as a child for crying, I was never told to stop showing my emotions. It really is because I have this problem with closed spaces. I have since I was a baby. I hated my crib, playpen, and stroller. Anything that locked me in made my blood boil and to this day I am still that way.

I don't know how many of you love the show Sex & the City, but I am infatuated with it. I have all the seasons on DVD and I have watched each episode a million times over. In one episode Steve wants to move in with Miranda and throughout the show he is leaving all kinds of stuff at her apartment. One night she wakes up and goes psycho chick on him and Steve accuses Miranda of being the guy sometimes. The same argument has insued between Dan and I several times and he has actually said to me that it is like I am the guy sometimes.

I blame it on never having any sisters. I am very close to my dad and I have a younger brother. So, maybe sometimes I do act and think like "one of the guys", but I can't help it. It is just who I am. So, the other night when Dan repeatedly tried to snuggle me into oblivion it slipped out before I could stop it from spewing out of my big mouth... "Smother me why don't you?"

It pissed Dan off and in return he rolled over all the way to the other side of the bed. On the inside I was happy...yes I can breathe again, but I also don't want Dan to believe I don't want to be close to him. The next morning I explained to Dan where I am coming from and while he nodded his head in all the right places and at least pretended to understand I highly doubt he will ever stop with the cuddles. And I can't blame him can I? He loves me, I am his other half, and if I were a man I guess I would want to snuggle with me too, I mean I am a pretty cool chick (just joking...well I am cool, but No I am not that conceited).

So, I really want to know ladies...am I alone in this? Or are there other woman like me out there? Are woman expected to enjoy snuggling? Have you ever been accused of being like a guy sometimes?

It's coming down

I haven't written a post since Monday and while nothing in particular has happened recently I felt it was time for a new post. Unfortunately I don't have anything specific to speak on. So, this will be random thoughts basically. If you can hang with it then lets get started.

It is raining again today. I say again because it rained yesterday and Sunday as well. This is quite unusual for Missouri in July. Just a few weeks ago it was blazing hot here and now it is suddenly raining. Sunday's rain was hard. It came down pouring for hours. Yesterday was a slow, light rain for only an hour. Today it is a drizzly, soft rain. Though rain does not bother me much I am feeling kind of not thrilled. I am ready for it to be warm. I know, who asks for the heat? Well I do! I want to enjoy my summer tanning and sweating. However due to the rain I captured a couple, cute pictures of Jeremiah soaked in rain water, and I taught him a few new songs (rain themed).

His favorite: "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring" and "Rain, rain go away, come again some other day". Now he sits outside looking up towards the sky just waiting for the rain. It will give him an excuse to sing the rain songs and get out the umbrella (which he loves)!

        "If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops, Oh what a rain that would be."

                                                                                                                                                                     

Yesterday my bestfriend, Danie and my goddaughter, Leaira stopped by and hung out for awhile. It was great to see them. Since Dan and I moved practically to the other end of the city it is harder to get together. Before we lived only about 15 minutes from one another and now we live more like 30 minutes away. Not that 30 minutes will ever keep us from each other, but it just isn't quite as simple. So, it was a nice treat to see the both of them.

Jeremiah and Leaira ran around the apartment chasing each other, coloring, and eating the occasional oreo. Jeremiah wanted to play hide and seek (which is actually a new game for even him). He kept telling Lele to play hide and seek. I tried to explain to Jeremiah that she is too little to understand, but he wouldn't have any of it. It was funny and cute to see Jeremiah with her. We swear that when they grow older either they will be so close like cousins or they will fall in love. I am rooting for them to be soul mates, who just happened to find one another at an early age due to their mothers being bestfriends. Don't get me wrong I will be happy even if they just grow up to be really close, good friends. But even you must admitt if they did grow up to get married to each other, it would be a fairytale romance.

                                                                                                                                                                     

Today Jeremiah and I went to the library again. We are making this sort of a weekly event. We go, we check out books, and a week (maybe two) later we return our books and find new books. I know I have said this before, but I am still thrilled beyond belief of Jeremiah's love for books and reading.

Like me he shows great enthusiasm when it comes to sitting down surrounded by books and that truly makes me happy. It is never too early to start reading to your children and helping foster that growth. Many children, tweens, and teens alike do not read enough. We are so concerned with technology (the internet, video games, tv, cell phones, etc) that I think the youth of today is more illiterate than any other previous generation, and that to me is a shame of tremendous force. It is time to introduce book love to our children. So, if you're with me say it loud and proud "I Love Books!"

It isn't just about books though. I am also excited that Jeremiah wants to do something with me. When I tell him we're going to the library he claps and his face lights up with joy. It is nice to have something just for the two of us. I relish in this quality time that he and I share together. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

                                                                                                                                                                     

I guess this here is the final thing I have to write about. It has been on my mind and I feel like I must address it. I know everyone who does not live under a rock is talking about it, facebook and yahoo news has blown up with it, but now it is my turn to say something.

Yes, if you haven't already guessed this is about the Casey Anthony trial.

And because this is my blog I will not censor myself for anyone. If you do not want to read what I think then simply overlook this last part of my post. Those who think she is innocent will not agree with what I say, just to warn you ahead of time.

Now, if you are like me and believe her to be guilty then you will probably agree with what I say here and you are more than likely just as outraged as I am. To be honest I do not watch the news. When people here this they always ask "Why? Don't you want to know what is going on in this world?" My answer: No. I get tidbits here and there, but I just feel the news is always bad. Something horrible is always going on and half of those horrors involves an innocent child. Since I have become a mother I have a hard time watching stories involving the innocent life of a child being snatched away by another cruel individual.

But I remember the story of little Caylee Anthony and I remember the horrific details. Her mother took 30 days to report her missing. While her daughter was gone she was out partying, having a grand ol' time, and living a carefree existence. After 30 days she finally reported her daughter missing...if she was innocent why did it take her so long to report this? In my opinion it is because she is not innocent. Her daughter was never really missing and that is why she did not report it. She knew where her daughter was and she knew what had happened. Her daughter was dead and gone.

I remember the smell of the trunk...the stench of rotting flesh the prosecution believed to be little Caylee's very own body rotting away in the trunk of her mother's car. It wasn't pizza, and it wasn't hamburger meat...believe me there is a difference. And not only that but she lied. Casey Anthony is a liar.

She lied numerous times to the police, impeding their investigation...making them waste time and efforts on searching for a child that was never missing to begin with. Just like the mother who locked her children in the car and drumped it in the river, Casey Anthony is a cold blooded murderer.

Try all you might but there is no other way to twist it. Caylee did not accidentally drown in the pool....she was murdered. And even if by some remote chance she did drown on accident a good mother does not dump her child's body in a swampy, wooded area. She goes to the police immediately. But like I said I do not believe it was an accident.

I honestly believe that Casey Anthony is a conniving, deceitful, manipulative, heartless, cold blooded, calculating, lying, cunning individual. She lied to the police and she lied her way through the trial. Pinning her hair back and trying to look distraught and the minute she is found not guilty she waltzes her way into the courtroom with her long hair flowing and a smile spread across her face. If all these things do not scream guilty then I don't know what does.

I find it hard to believe that someone like her can kill her own child and get away with it. How the jurors did not see right through her is beyond a doubt ridiculous. Anyone who does not see the big guilty signs written across her forehead is in denial and must be blind. And not only was she found not guilty of first degree murder, but she didn't even get in trouble for taking 30 days to report her child missing. They found her not guilty of child endangerment...huh?!

I know in my heart she murdered that child. I know she has gotten away with it with little more than a slap on the wrist (there is little to no consolation that she spent 3 years in jail already). I know she will get some book deal and movie deal (of which I will not be participating) and I hope everyone else does not buy into it. There are questions that need to be answered, but she has not given any answers. I know she should be punished. How can she sleep at night? How can those jurors sleep at night knowing they let a child murderer walk away free?

I also know that nothing I say or do can bring justice to little Caylee Anthony. Someday Casey will have to answer to a higher power. She will have a judgement day and she will be brought to her knees in punishment of no other kind. She will answer to God for what she did to that child. For now all I can hope is that she never has another child again. And somewhere I pray that sweet, little Caylee is resting in the clouds amongst heaven's angels, and God willing may her soul rest in peace.

I will leave you with that. I am going to get off here and go spend some time with my own little one. By the way it is raining yet again and this time it is coming down hard.