Baby Fever

This fever is the worst of all kind. It starts off low grade but quickly climbs into a blistering frenzy. It can be dangerous if not caught in time. No I am not talking about a real fever, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be taken seriously. I am talking about baby fever.

Lately I have been suffering from it and even as I sit here writing I feel guilty. Why am I complaining? I already have one beautiful son. There are women who have no children, may never have children, those are the women who have the right to be complaining of baby fever. But I can't help myself.

Jeremiah turned five this past June and I am ready to have another. Emotionally I am ready, physically I am ready, mentally I am ready, and financially I think we could do it. Dan however believes we are not ready financially. Therefore he is holding off. But it's not so much the financial responsibility than it is about Dan wanting me to finish school before bringing another baby into this world and our lives.

I understand all the good reasons why we should wait, but there are a number of good reasons why I wish we wouldn't wait. I know it is important for me to finish school, to establish myself in my career, and even for Dan and I to get married. These are all real and good reasons. But it doesn't put this fever to rest. It only fules the fire and makes me think of reasons why we should have another baby now.

I want to give Jeremiah a sibling. Of course he will have one, even if we wait, but I just do not feel like he will have that same kind of closeness, that same bond as siblings who are close in age and whom grow up together.

Lets face it; we're not getting any younger. I am only twenty three years old, and while that is relatively young, each passing year I am only getting older. Dan is thirty seven and no offense, but he is most definitely getting older. Any idiot can tell you that with age your chance of getting pregnant decreases. Even if it isn't age that slows my fertility, what if something else happens? What if someday I can't have children because of some other unknown reason? Things happen.

By the time I am finished with school, Dan and I actually get married, and I feel comfortable enough in my career to get pregnant and take maternity leave Jeremiah could very well be 10-12 years old. Do I really want to start all over again? It would be like nearing the finish line of a board game and then pulling a card that tells you to go back to the starting gate. More than likely I would start again, because my desire to add more children to our family is that powerful, but still.

Am I making any sense? I hope so, because these are just a few of my more vital points. I may be convincing you and I have totally convinced myself, but Dan is a tough cookie. Like I have said before, I am a Gemini and we geminis are known to be quite persuasive, but for some reason my charms don't work quite the way I expect on Dan. It is like he has a special shield that keeps me from being able to get to him.

This fever has been coming and going since Jeremiah was like two. One day it starts and drags on for months and then just as suddenly as it came on, I wake up one day and the feeling is gone. But the more time that passes on the worse this fever gets. It comes on stronger and hangs around longer.

I think I am going to continue my pursuit full force, working on Dan, trying to bend him this way and that until finally he sees things my way. Wish me luck.